Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
