I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
bring money and cleavage
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
