and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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