I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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