that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
