she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect