After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
