Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
