he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
