Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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