This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
