o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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