Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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