Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
