I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
