I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
