what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
