Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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