Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
