Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
