He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
