i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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