she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize