Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
