Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
