his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
