If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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