He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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