Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
