I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
