dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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