i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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