how can u be prego again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
