You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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