so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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