Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
