You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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