You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
