he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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