I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
