the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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