Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
