This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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