I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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