So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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