I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
