Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
FUCK WHALES
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
