I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
