Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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