the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
