My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
