The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
