my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
