some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
