If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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