Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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