If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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