Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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