my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
