dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
