i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So many bounce houses so little time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
