Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
