just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
