My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
