the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
