and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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