I can't breathe out the right side of my face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
