We're facebook friends in real life
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was born a porn star she said
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
