There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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