cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
