Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
