yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
