matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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