i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
