she was so not down for the gang bang
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
