she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
