I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
