What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
