well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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