the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
