He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
