So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
