I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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